dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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