So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I love you. Go after that dick
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
