I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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