Small penises have feelings too.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
