Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
