you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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