Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize