Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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