PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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