I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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