Don't make out with my wife yet
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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