i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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