PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
only you would photoshop your dick
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
