turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
