Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
