The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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