your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
