So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
