i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
