Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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