lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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