just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
