So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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