Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
