Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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