Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
