I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
soo... how was my night?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
