I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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