i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
