Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
