I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
