dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
