I wish I could teleport
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
