Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
