We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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