I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
