We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
