my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
