I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have fence marks all over my body
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
