You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
