Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
