Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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