i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize