i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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