You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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