Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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