tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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