If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
