i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize