College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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