I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
