i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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