I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
