I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
