i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
