But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
