VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
