Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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