Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is Oprah even human
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
