So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
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I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver