soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
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Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?