Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion