Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.