you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?