the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
