I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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