In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios