Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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