I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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