Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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