I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
