do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
my liver is dry heaving
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
