i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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