If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
