why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
