I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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