Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
