1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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