mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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