I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
