Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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