she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
