I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
