are you still at the devil's house?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
